Rear View Mirror

Rear View Mirror

In early marriage, Craig and I argued a lot, I mean... a LOT. (Sad, I know.) We are both passionate and opinionated. Neither of us learned effective communication tools in early life. (Why is this not a required subject in high school? Talk about a necessary life skill!) Thankfully, as years pass and he and I grow weary of being burned by one another's angry outbursts, we have acquired the ability to disagree in healthier ways. We have learned in some cases to "agree to disagree." At times, we silently tolerate the other's opinion. We are also better at letting go of personal agendas and at giving preference to the other's desires.

There remain, however, a few "hot button" topics that just won't die, and they are seemingly silly and unimportant. They have to do with things like the ability to read maps and how one adjusts one's car rear view mirror. Among our bones of contention is that I adjust my car mirrors in such a way that they take in a small section of my car, while Craig positions his far out from the car, to better see his blind spot. I have lost track of how many times this difference has created conflict. Craig feels that I am being recalcitrant (one of his favorite adjectives to describe me), while I simply feel disoriented if I can't see a piece of the car to give me a point of reference.

Recently, I decided to explore my need to have the mirror kept close from a philosophical perspective. It occurred to me that I hold things close, that I have a need for control in order to feel safe, whereas Craig is completely comfortable letting go and living loose and large. Craig's ability to move his mirrors out where he can't possibly have his bearings, reflects the largeness of his life. He has, so far, attained every life goal he has set out to accomplish. He created an award-winning and successful business, he became a highly skilled golfer, an accomplished painter in oils, and has a wide circle of admirers and a host of close friends. He also has developed wonderful relationships with his kids (and his wife).

I immensely admire Craig's ability to live life large. I used to allow my admiration to morph into envy. Typically, I blamed my tighter and more controlled life (read, inability to whole-heartedly follow my dreams), on lack of time, lack of organization, lack of freedom. Several days ago, I entered my new, black, sporty Beamer, and I adjusted my mirrors...outward. It could be my imagination, but since making this adjustment, I sense an inner shift toward greater freedom and the ability to pursue that which inspires joy within.

Perhaps Craig has been right all along. Possibly my mirrors have been adjusted too close.

Yuri - Part 2: Ghost Writer

Part two in a two-part series...

I never thought much about the job of ghost writing, about the fact that there are people who write another's story and receive no credit for it. Presumably, these people are good writers or they wouldn't be employed as "ghosts." This week, I was given a reason to consider this occupation more closely.

Following our friend's passing (see previous post), Craig was commissioned to write a memorial piece about Yuri for our company's blog. He got stuck and asked me to help...ked me to help. When we were both happy with the results, a realization struck me. I loved Yuri and wrote much of the memorial, but the published letter would be from Craig.

Unlike Craig, I have spent most of my married life working behind the scenes. There are no awards for "best advisor and confidante to the founder of the company," or "best mom" or "best friend," or "best homemaker." These positions go without public accolade or praise. Mostly, I am ok to serve without recognition, but every once in a while it would be nice to receive credit "where credit is due." I was struck with this desire after completing the piece about Yuri.

Yuri died, knowing that two of his recent productions are nominated for Grammy awards. Craig will soon be given a "lifetime achievement" award, the most prestigious award in our industry. I wrestle at times with not accomplishing anything worthy of receiving an award. I succumbed briefly to the temptation to covet that position.

And then God spoke to me through His word. He said, "Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud (Proverbs 16:19)." He also told me, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3)." And finally, my heart heard Him say, "I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit... (Isaiah 57:15)."

I want to live a life that fulfills my passion and purpose, but equally important, I want to be counted as great in the Kingdom of God. This requires that I am willing to be a servant, as my Savior both stated and provided an example of. Now my prayer is, "God, make me willing to be a ghost writer."

Yuri - Part 1: Passion

YURI RASOVSKY

JULY 29, 1944 to JANUARY 18, 2012

Part 1 in a 2 part series...

We lost a good friend three days ago. We knew that his end was eminent, as he had been put on hospice. However, we had planned to fly to Los Angeles to say, "good bye" before he passed. And so, I process sorrow through words.

As I was putting on my face in the bathroom, preparing for the day's meetings at work, Craig entered and said, "I have some sad news." I knew that it was about Yuri, and immediately burst into tears.

Yuri Rasovsky cannot be encapsulated with words. Rabelasian in his bigger-than-lifeness, he said what he thought - and he thought a lot, perhaps constantly. My niece, who had learned to appreciate Yuri's many quirks, commented, "Yuri didn't have a filter." Whatever entered his brain was delivered directly out of his mouth. Mostly, that which exited his mustachioed orafice was witty, clever, sardonic, often critical, sometimes hilarious, and never boring.

Yuri was brilliantly autodidactic. A high school dropout and a voracious reader, he knew and deeply connected with mythology from seemingly all cultures and eras. His stellar memory allowed him to rattle off characters and plots for any piece of classic literature that one could name. I envied his memory, his focus, his confidence, his endless energy, his awareness of and passion for his calling.

Death always provides the opportunity to reflect on life. Do I know what my calling is? Do I pursue it with passion, as did Yuri? Or, am I content to task my way through life, never "laying hold of that for which I was laid hold of by Christ?" Like Yuri, I, too, want to pursue my gifts with passion.

To read a bit more about Yuri Rasovsky, see attached links:

http://blog.blackstoneaudio.com/archives/8193

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/yuri-rasovsky-renowned-audio-dramatist-283651

http://www.suntimes.com/news/obituaries/10137894-418/wrote-directed-radio-dramas-audiobooks.html

Of Monks and Marriages

monk

Craig and I are currently obsessed with the television series, "Monk." We look forward to crawling into bed at the end of each day, to relax and laugh at the OCD detective. Who knew that this program would prove to be low-cost, humorous marriage therapy??

I find myself feeling comforted and validated (is this a good thing?) about my OCD tendencies when I watch Adrian Monk. My compulsions seem to be minimized by Monk's constant need to straighten things that are crooked, pick lint off strangers' sweaters and touch every fence post when walking. In comparison, when I wipe the kitchen counter underneath one of my guests who is still eating or clear a glass of water that is still being consumed, it now feels practically normal. I find myself having self-empathy - cutting myself a little more slack than usual. I am feeling more relaxed and accepting of who I am, rather than constantly deriding myself for my Monk-like ways.

At the same time, Craig, who has always (did I put that in bold?) been a wee bit annoyed with my OCD tendencies, finds Adrian Monk to be absolutely endearing and humorous when he is in full-blown OCD form. The amazing thing is that I never did have to point out to Craig that this might be a double standard. Craig figured it out all on his own. (Minor miracle!) Now, when I pull one of my OCD stunts, he chuckles graciously and says something like, "That's something Monk would do." (Wow! How much do I owe the producers for this?)

Perhaps there are some who wouldn't find such a comment complimentary. However, at this stage of my middle-aged life, having battled certain tendencies for a very long time to little avail, it is helpful to know that Craig and I both forgive me for being me. Tolerance is bliss!!

Follow the link for a brief summary of the t.v. series, along with station and schedule.

http://www.usanetwork.com/series/monk/theshow/characterprofiles/tony/

Quote for the day...

be authentic 

"To be nobody - but - yourself - - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." ~e.e. cummings

I am a late bloomer. I am just now learning to fight for who I am (in Christ), to be confident about the choices I make, to learn from my mistakes and to move forward. I am choosing to stop watching the inner reruns of mistakes and failures and focus on opportunities. It is never too late to grow.