Rear View Mirror

Rear View Mirror

In early marriage, Craig and I argued a lot, I mean... a LOT. (Sad, I know.) We are both passionate and opinionated. Neither of us learned effective communication tools in early life. (Why is this not a required subject in high school? Talk about a necessary life skill!) Thankfully, as years pass and he and I grow weary of being burned by one another's angry outbursts, we have acquired the ability to disagree in healthier ways. We have learned in some cases to "agree to disagree." At times, we silently tolerate the other's opinion. We are also better at letting go of personal agendas and at giving preference to the other's desires.

There remain, however, a few "hot button" topics that just won't die, and they are seemingly silly and unimportant. They have to do with things like the ability to read maps and how one adjusts one's car rear view mirror. Among our bones of contention is that I adjust my car mirrors in such a way that they take in a small section of my car, while Craig positions his far out from the car, to better see his blind spot. I have lost track of how many times this difference has created conflict. Craig feels that I am being recalcitrant (one of his favorite adjectives to describe me), while I simply feel disoriented if I can't see a piece of the car to give me a point of reference.

Recently, I decided to explore my need to have the mirror kept close from a philosophical perspective. It occurred to me that I hold things close, that I have a need for control in order to feel safe, whereas Craig is completely comfortable letting go and living loose and large. Craig's ability to move his mirrors out where he can't possibly have his bearings, reflects the largeness of his life. He has, so far, attained every life goal he has set out to accomplish. He created an award-winning and successful business, he became a highly skilled golfer, an accomplished painter in oils, and has a wide circle of admirers and a host of close friends. He also has developed wonderful relationships with his kids (and his wife).

I immensely admire Craig's ability to live life large. I used to allow my admiration to morph into envy. Typically, I blamed my tighter and more controlled life (read, inability to whole-heartedly follow my dreams), on lack of time, lack of organization, lack of freedom. Several days ago, I entered my new, black, sporty Beamer, and I adjusted my mirrors...outward. It could be my imagination, but since making this adjustment, I sense an inner shift toward greater freedom and the ability to pursue that which inspires joy within.

Perhaps Craig has been right all along. Possibly my mirrors have been adjusted too close.